The power of a soulmate

Do you ever wonder whether everything could change if one thing just shifted on your life? Not to willingly make yourself so susceptible, but as much as you can live a good life and have a reason to get through each day, do you ever wonder if it all might just look different if you had something to truly believe in? Someone, to be more specific?

Sometimes, even just the thought of this changes things for me. Of course, before the doubt rushes through, and the desire to hold myself back before I become too giddy and obsessed with whatever this 'thing' or person would be to make everything better.

But you know, it's true. And I don't think it's about a particular person, as much as it is the thought of a reality where I allow myself to let someone in like that. To let love in like that. A type of love that I knew all along existed, while I was exploring so many fruitless... exploits. Chasing love so hard that I was running away from it.

I've been thinking, wondering, lately that the type of love that's good for me is not at all what I've been anticipating all this time. It does not look like what I've told myself and the world what it should look like. I don't think my person, is anything as I've imagined him to be to this point. And I think that's the only type of partner that could truly love me the way I need to be loved.

It's so strange, and I think it'll all make so much more sense when it's fully come into picture. But I'm starting to zoom out and consider whether the way I've been perceiving life has been far too focussed, so much so that it's restricted me. Desperate for a classic white male to fit with me, and wondering why they won't. Thinking that a predictable, expected love that I've seen plenty in public and TV is the one that will really unravel my heart and life. But it might be so that the one chosen for me by the powers that see far more than I do, almost by virtue of the overall mission, has to be completely different to what I'm chasing. I'm afraid, and maybe excited, to consider that the only way for me to fall in love is to be blindsided, and, eek - completely out of control.

Just speculation at this point, of course. For now, I play with the thought that even this consideration has an impact on my worldview, and my ability to enjoy the moment. The idea that there truly is a whole abundance of existing that's destined for me - its borders beyond what I could conceive from the minuscule perspective I have in my current sphere. And that's the whole point - cos once I get there, and walk through the door, all I'll have to do is live it and see out the many wonderful ways it reveals itself. There'll be no more of this chasing and lack that I've been so addicted to, moreso than any prospect of the arrival point. I'll be at the place that actually nourishes me, and tempers those insecure chaser parts of me, helping me to feel safe and supported by life.

The limitless possibility. When you're with someone you know is yours and you theirs, and are surrounded by the people who speak to that same vibration. When your values align and your energy and work is directed to the same place. Finally, a worthwhile target for my immense bundles of energy.

I really hope that once I'm united with that person and we build our base, that I can finally do the work I've been so desperate to do since I got here.